Puns

I used to think i was indecisive

But now i'm not sure

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

I'd like to buy a new boomerang please.

Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

I got fired from my job at the bank today. 

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife?

He needed some space.

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

How do you make antifreeze?

Steal her blanket.

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

What kind of car does an egg drive?

A yolkswagen.

Did you hear Steve Harvey and his wife got into a fight?

It was a family feud

What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Don't wok away from me!

What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space?

You have to Planet!

I used to go fishing with Skrillex.

But he kept dropping the BASS.

Why'd the chicken cross the road? 

To get to the other side.