Bill Gates farted in an Apple store.

He later commented, "Well it’s hardly my fault they don't have any Windows…”

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

ten-tickles

How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?

Tenticles.

I just shit my pants.
Can i get in yours?

Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

Whats the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Knock, Knock! 
Who's There? 
Dewey! 
Dewey who? 
Dewey have to use a condom? 
 

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

Name a spongebob quote to describe your sexuality.

Are ya ready kids!

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Please pray for me, I will be going to the hospital tommorow.

I think i have a problem with my eyes, Every time I look into my wallet, I see nothing.

The hand is quicker than the eye.
Unfortunately, the CCTV camera at my nearest primary school's gates is
quicker than both.

Why are mountains so funny?

Because they are hill areas.