I've got a good joke about Royal Mail, but I think I'll post it next week.

Are you a tower?

Because eiffel for you!

Why was the computer always looking outside?

Because it had Windows.

How much does the bark cost?

Tree dollars

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. 

he's bisatchel.

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can't tune a fish

Why can't a bike stand on its own?

It's two tired

My mum always told me that eating carrots would make me able to see in
the dark
Which made the night my pet rabbit escaped and fell into the garbage
disposal all the more crushing