What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

How do you photograph the army?

With a cam-o

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Is your dad retarded?

Because you’re special

Why does trump watch the Olympics ?

Because he wants to see how high Mexicans can jump.

You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

What bird gets out of breath easily?
A puffin!

Why couldn't the paraplegic become a comedian?

He couldn't stand up.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
show up naked,
bring beer.

What do you call someone elses cheese?

Natcho Cheese!