How do you photograph the army?

With a cam-o

Is your dad retarded?

Because you’re special

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Why can't a bike stand on its own?

It's two tired

You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

My mum always told me that eating carrots would make me able to see in
the dark
Which made the night my pet rabbit escaped and fell into the garbage
disposal all the more crushing

Is your name Wifi?

Because I’m feeling a connection!

Why does trump watch the Olympics ?

Because he wants to see how high Mexicans can jump.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

What bird gets out of breath easily?
A puffin!

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

What do you call someone elses cheese?

Natcho Cheese!