What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale

How do you photograph the army?

With a cam-o

Why can't a bike stand on its own?

It's two tired

My mum always told me that eating carrots would make me able to see in
the dark
Which made the night my pet rabbit escaped and fell into the garbage
disposal all the more crushing

Is your dad retarded?

Because you’re special

You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

What do you call someone elses cheese?

Natcho Cheese!

Why does trump watch the Olympics ?

Because he wants to see how high Mexicans can jump.

What bird gets out of breath easily?
A puffin!

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.