Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

Name a spongebob quote to describe your sexuality.

Are ya ready kids!

Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

I used to go fishing with Skrillex.

But he kept dropping the BASS.

What is the Terminator's favorite Italian food?

Pasta la vista, baby.

Why'd the chicken cross the road? 

To get to the other side.

My dad always told me not to stab people in the back.
I agree completely.
It's much easier to reach their vital organs from the front.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

They use honeycombs.

I recently took up meditation.
It beats sitting around doing nothing.

I've just started a business which is a rat and mouse washing service. It's
going great...
All our customers are squeaky clean.

I know you’re busy today but can you add me to your to-do list?