My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Did you know.

Before the crowbar was invented, crows used to drink at home.

Why did the corn farmer get a headache?

My grain!

My cat keeps beating me at Pac Man.
To be fair, he did start with 9 lives.

My girlfriend says I only think about myself.

Do you know how much that hurts me?

My girlfriend said I was overly sensitive.

I nearly cried.

What soup weighs 2,000 pounds?
Wonton Soup

Wanna hear a joke about traffic?

Nevermind, it's to slow

Why are maths books so sad?

Because they have so many problems