Why are maths books so sad?

Because they have so many problems

I went to London and got myself a turtleneck the other day.
And a life-time ban from Sea Life.

BBC News: Man loses arm while on holiday in Greece.
A Bit careless of him.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

What do you call an Insect with an afro?

A Frisbee

Bob the builder: I can build a wall 

Trump: Hired!

I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.

She didn’t know I existed.

How do you make antifreeze?

Steal her blanket.

Are your eyes IKEA?

Because i’m lost in them!

I wish my grass was emo 

so it would cut itself...

was having a pint in the pub last night when I noticed a bloke standing on his own by the pool table.

I walked over to him and said, "You look bored, do you fancy a playing a game?"

"Yeah, go on then" he replied.

I tapped him on the shoulder and ran off shouting, "You're it!"