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Deus

Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent!

42

Deus

blonde

There is no "i" in "illiterate".

59

Deus

food

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

38

GoD_139

puns

It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.

38

Mark14

puns

A butcher accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work that day.

45

PastaMan

puns

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

39

GreenMario

pickup lines

Are you a toaster? 
Because I wanna take a bath with you

39

Mark14

puns

Nurse: Doctor, there's a patient that says he's invisible. Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now!

41

Deus

A cop came to my door this morning telling me my dog had been chasing a man on a bike 

"Thats ridiculous, my dog doesn't even own a bike"

51

Deus

puns

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

46

Deus

puns

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

44

GoD_139

puns

Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet.

32

PastaMan

puns

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

55

Mark14

puns

How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training

39

Deus

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny

55

Deus

My boyfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove him wrong?

61

Deus

puns

What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig

60

Kate

puns

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

•

Mark14

puns

Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.

46

TheOneWhoKnocks

knock knock jokes

Knock Knock 
Who's there? 
Sucka. 
Sucka who? 
Sucka dick and let me in. 
 

37

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50+ punny dad jokes that'll make any dad chuckle 15+ Bread Puns You Knead To Hear 20+ 'Knock Knock' Jokes for The Entire Family
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