2016 : trump wont win

2017: president trump can't do that, can he?

2018: you watching the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins

What do you call a guy that crushes cans for a living?

I'm not sure either but it's so dapressing.

How do you learn to become a railroad conductor?

Training.

Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent!

I can't think of anything that resembles Straw, but hey.

Knock knock. 
Who’s there? 
Hatch. 
Hatch who? 
God bless you.

It's my fault that I have self blame issues.

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny

There is no "i" in "illiterate".

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

Knock Knock 
Who's there? 
Sucka. 
Sucka who? 
Sucka dick and let me in.