I was named after my father...
I don't really like the name 'dad' though.

There are Two Great Rules of Life:

1. Never tell everything at once.

Knock knock. 
Who’s there? 
Mustache. 
Mustache who? 
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later

People always need their opinions validated.

Am I right?

I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered
completely invisible.
I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

Model trains make me Hornby.

I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

Just seen a Facebook group called: Join if u say "b-e-a-u-ti-ful when writing beatiful!"

Clearly they forgot to say it the second time round...