Whatever you do, don't drink the varnish.
It'll be a sad end - but a beautiful finish.

Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low.

A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

Tina Turner : "who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"

Going by your logic Tina, we don't need arms or legs.

Dictionary definition of fragile; easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail.

Royal Mail definition of fragile; Break gently.

The best place to hide a body is on Page 2 of Google's search results.

Maths, the only subject that counts.

Whats got 4 legs and goes "boo"?

A cow with a cold.